dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
