Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
