..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
