i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
