my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm both gender and math confused
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
