I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
