She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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