What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
