He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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