This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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