i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
