I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The beers last night were like the tears from god
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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