Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
