After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
