my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
