So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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