The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
