You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
