Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
