Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
