Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
