aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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