didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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