She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
