no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
