My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
