Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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