Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Randomize
