Pappa wants mamma naked
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I need moral support for this bender
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
