4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I need to stop coming to work sober
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
