All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
