She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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