Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
