I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize