I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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