umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
