I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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