If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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