Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
