He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I am naked and annoyed.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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