i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
