I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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