the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize