I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
