i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
