just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize