I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize