it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
