Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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