I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
