Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just saw a hot homeless man
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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