I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
