Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
