Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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