You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
