I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
