porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
