my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
