It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
