There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
