I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
