Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize