so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
