you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my being single is dangerous.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
