He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
