ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
