Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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