There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
